I’m happier than a year ago. Why?

I’ve found myself happier recently. In fact, I think I’m probably the happiest I’ve been since pre-puberty, as cool as my 6th-grade bleached hair was.

I want to understand why. I’m living in Bali, and at first brush one would think that alone should explain this. But if living in Bali has 100% explanatory power, I should be terrified: as soon as I step off its shores, I’d expect crisis. Indeed I’m worried about this very phenomenon coming back to the States: a “return to reality,” a reverse culture shock, a post-adventure depression.

To that end, I’m sketching out some factors that I think contribute to my happiness. I want to use this post as a snapshot for future comparison and introspection. These sections are ordered by how little impact I want them to have on my well-being, from smallest to largest.*

External factors

1. I live a few minutes from the beach, where I can watch the sunset with a fresh coconut in hand nightly.
2. Almost every day is sunny, and almost every said sunset is gorgeous.
3. Beyond the beach, the scenery in Bali is spectacular, from the titanic, volcanic slopes of Mt. Agung to the endless variety of sea life in the reefs around the island.
4. Most things here are very cheap to a Westerner — e.g., I rent my moped for a dollar a day, and even after crashing it twice, the repairs were less than $20. This makes it extremely easy to pamper oneself, e.g. get a massage every other week.
5. Indonesians are largely very warm people.
6. Balinese traditions— colorful canang sari punctuating sidewalks and perfuming the air with incense, black thatched roofs marking temple after temple, women wearing rainbow kebaya — provide a painting-like aesthetic backdrop.
7. Our current villa has a housekeeper named Nengah who makes us breakfast and kopi every morning, does our laundry, and generally brings joy to each day. Yes, I’m spoiled.

Things I do

1. I start most days with a chapter from Awareness, a gem of a book from Catholic mystic Anthony de Mello, or from Sarah Ruden’s new translation of the Gospels. I listen to the birds and meditate for ~15 minutes.
2. I workout almost daily, which is some mix of yoga, gymnastic rings, and running — all workouts I enjoy.
3. I’m picking up new water-based hobbies, in particular surfing and scuba.
4. I spend at least a few minutes each day really looking at nature. Some of these moments are spectacular, almost alien, like meeting feather stars around the reefs. Some of them are more banal, like appreciating the size of a palm leaf.
5. I sleep a minimum of 7.5 hours.
6. I eat almost zero processed food.
7. With the exception of some work tasks, I largely do whatever I want to do every day.
8. I spend a good portion of each day reading and/or writing about things that interest me.
9. I read hardly any news beyond long-form, Economist-style articles (living in a timezone 12 hours from DC helps with this!) and I no longer engage in Facebook political debates.
10. I only ask new people about their line of work once we’re deep into a conversation, and only if it comes up naturally.
11. I’m working on a company in the creator space with my roommate Vinesh, and I learn something new every day.

My mindset

1. In contrast to how I was in, say, college, I feel way less compelled by prestige, “success,” grind culture, changing the world, income, or feeling like an impressive person. Not 100% reduction, but much, much improved.
2. I now believe that happiness, in theory, is a natural state that we find by subtraction, not addition. Practically, though, I’m in flux between my old mindset (additive) and the new (subtractive).
3. I do not expect to be spiritually fulfilled by work, ever, no matter how much I enjoy it.
4. I do not expect to be spiritually fulfilled by people, ever, no matter how much I love them.
5. I feel no tension between my thinking and an institution’s thinking, because I largely don’t identify with any institution, be it religious, partisan, or patriotic. I’ll still pretend to be an Eagles fan when convenient, though.
6. I care less and less what people think of me.
7. Law school no longer appeals to me.

I don’t want to stretch the truth here: I haven’t achieved nirvana, I’m not floating above lotus flowers every morning. I’m not free from imposter syndrome or the self-comparative voices I hear whenever I see somebody crushing it online. I still consume way more social media than I should, I still get annoyed whenever I see reductionist Twitter posts from left-wing or right-wing thought police, and I’ve even developed a bit of a cultural resentment for Russians here in Bali — I’m not sure the Buddha would approve!

But by and large, I am less anxious, less stressed, and happier on average than I’ve been in a good, long time. Maybe I’m just sated by pretty waves and nasi goreng, or maybe I’m undergoing a more fundamental spiritual/mental shift. I’m rooting for the latter.

*Small note: it feels almost taboo to say “I am happy,” socially on par with broadcasting “I’m anointed by God” or “I’m the heir to a great oil fortune.” Why?